the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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