I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
