After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
