During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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