non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
