you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
