and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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