Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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