apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
