I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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