This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize