Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
