I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is Oprah even human
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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