I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
