Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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