I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
