Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
