He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize