I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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