And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
