:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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