Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
