Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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