Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
