are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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