You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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