we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
