walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize