I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
