Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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