He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
