There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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