dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
