New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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