you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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