My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
