but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
