My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
