I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
