apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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