i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
