Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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