i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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