you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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