i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
