i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
