I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
