He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
