well you can't waste a boner
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
why is half of my head shaved?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
