cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
