well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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