you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
