I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
