I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
