pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
3 2 1 whiskey
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
