what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
