I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
