Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize