i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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