I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
