i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
