Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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