Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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