Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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