some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
