In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
