That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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