we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We were destined to go to rehab together
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
